He sat there alone,
Realizing the realms of life.
Where had he gone wrong?
He lost the love of his life.
Maybe it was time to let her go,
Set her free; move on.
The only memories he kept,
Were the good ones.
He needed a new distraction,
Maybe a new girl?
Wait, was this more than love?
Maybe even addiction.
There was nothing in this world,
Nothing that ran in his veins,
But her memories.
There was something mesmerizing about her.
She could have been perfect.
They could have been perfect!
But why didn't it work out?
Destiny did not play a fair game.
Hey!
ReplyDeleteYou asked for constructive criticism, so I had a little bit for you :)
Your poetry is a bit too obvious - not subtle enough. I think your vocabulary and tone is good, but i think instead of cliches and adjectives you should have more figurative language like metaphor and imagery and symbolism. I think that will make your poetry more subtle and rich.
Just my thoughts! I really like and respect your work.
<3
Dear lovelyungainly,
DeleteThank you so much for that. It will really be helpful in my future poems. I really appreciate this! Thank you, I shall keep in mind and try harder. Really glad you took out time really grateful! <3 <3